Little Red Bear Answers Reader Questions — “Angry Weasels! What To Do?”

August 13, 2015August 8, 2016 / jrmilson / Leave a comment

Little Red Bear and I are getting more and more questions from readers. So here’s another one, hoping to provide useful and life-saving information by sharing for all.

Reader Question from K. C. in Shriveled Branches, California – “Dear Little Red Bear — What should I do if confronted by an angry weasel?”

Answer— Another great question, because this seems to come up more often than most folks think. The problem is, weasels are just not big on negotiating, so trying to reason with them or attempting to discover the source of their anger is largely a waste of time, as most just wake up angry in the morning right off the start, and their mood seems to follow on downhill from there.

We recommend telling the weasel a really funny joke, and hope it dies laughing. It seemed to work very well for the Roger Rabbit folks. If you’re not particularly funny, then we recommend running away as fast as you can, because the longer you stand in front of the weasel the hungrier it’s going to get while the time passes. If you have wings, use them. Because we haven’t found the weasel yet that can fly more than two laps around the feedlot.

Weasels are never easy to deal with, because even when they tell you they’re going to behave and be your friend, they most likely ain’t. So take whatever a weasel says with a grain of salt. Or two. Good luck with ’em, and we’ll keep y’all in our thoughts. — Little Red Bear

Horizontal Rule 1

A big thanks to K.C. for the question! Remember folks, keep those questions and letters coming. We’ll get to them as best we can here for you. Happy reading, and thanks as always for stopping by! And remember folks, an angry weasel is considerably faster than a John Deere Tractor. Best to try and stay on their good side. If you can find one. – Jim (and Red!)

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Short Stories on Amazon.

Old-fashioned, Family-friendly Stories and Fun for All Ages and Fitness Levels!

About an Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends.

Little Red Bear Answers Reader Questions — “Reading Safety Advisory!”

July 13, 2015August 8, 2016 / jrmilson / Leave a comment

“Letters. We get letters. We get lots and lots of letters.”

Little Red Bear and I have been receiving a number of questions from readers the past few weeks regarding “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short stories collection, and after we talked about it while sitting around the campfire the other night with Albuquerque, Aunt Ivy and some of the others, Little Red Bear and I decided it might be a good idea to share some of the questions and answers with everyone. Here is the first one, what Red thought might be the most important question we have received so far.

Horizontal Rule 1

Reader Question from S. R. in Jolly River Falls, MN – “Dear Little Red Bear — Is there a time when it is not safe or prudent to read “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short stories?”

Answer— That is a very good question! And it so happens, something we have looked into. From the beginning, we figured in all honesty, that we most likely wouldn’t be generating a New York Times Bestseller list of readers, so should try to protect and insure the safety of those we do accumulate along the way, being probably few in number. So as it turns out, we did research this very topic before we released the book on Amazon.

Here are the times and situations we determined as most unsafe or imprudent to read the stories, so accordingly are issuing the following Public Safety Advisory. A few instances we determined were—

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

General Advisories –

Do Not Read “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” —

When operating a motor vehicle, aircraft or heavy machinery.

While swimming in a swamp with alligators.

While snorkeling with sharks.

While at work with a supervisor possessing questionable tastes in literature.

While in the bathtub or hot tub if reading on a laptop plugged into an electrical socket.

In a lightning storm if standing alone in an open area.

While skydiving if the main parachute has failed to deploy.

While riding a mule to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. The mules perfectly know the way of course, but in this one instance we feel you really should not miss the once in a lifetime views of the Canyon. Read later at basecamp.

While shaving with a straight razor.

When wandering unaccompanied by armed escort in lion country.

While cooking over an open flame. (This caution applies to the paperback version, only.)

While performing roofing or window washing work above the sixth floor of a building.

While surveying a buffalo herd. (It’s not really unsafe, per se. It’s just that bison have not made it into the stories yet and are still a little miffed about it. Just don’t let them see what you are reading and it should be okay. And of course, never roller skate in a buffalo herd whether you’re reading the book or not, but you most likely knew that one already.)

Industry Specific Advisories —

For Medical Professionals- do not read while performing or assisting in major surgeries and/or dental work.

For Baseball Players- do not read while batting or catching. Field position players may safely read during the lull in between pitches. Umpiring crews, as well. Reading the adventures while in the dugout and bullpen is highly recommended for all to relieve tedium. Reading the adventures is also highly recommended to pass the time for soccer goalies.

Reading Exemptions –

Members of Congress are exempted from reading “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”. While there is certainly a lot which could be learned from the stories for them, it is generally agreed that they just have too much meaningful work to do at this time to risk being distracted by fun and common sense.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

We hope this helped answer your important safety question regarding the reading of Red’s adventures. In most other instances, we have determined that it is both safe and prudent to read “The Adventures of Little Red Bear.” Indeed, highly recommended for clean family fun and reading entertainment! Thanks for the question S. R., and we’re hoping you enjoy the stories. Please remember to scrape your boots off before coming back inside from an adventure! We don’t want to be hearing about dirty floors from irate mothers. So please scrape your boots. Especially after a visit to Farmer Turner’s.

Horizontal Rule 1

Remember folks, keep those questions and letters coming. We’ll get to them as best we can here for you. Happy reading, and thanks as always for stopping by! And remember folks, every path has a few puddles in life. The sun will be back out soon enough to dry you off and help you on your way again. – Jim (and Red!)

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Short Stories on Amazon.

Old-fashioned, Family-friendly Stories and Fun for All Ages and Fitness Levels!

About an Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends.

New Little Red Bear Video– “A Visit to Farmer Turner’s Farm!”

June 29, 2015 / jrmilson / Leave a comment

Farmer Turner is a good friend and neighbor of Little Red Bear and one of the recurring characters in “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short story collection. Thru Farmer Turner and some others to be introduced in later story collections, we are able to introduce domestic animals, farming and agricultural topics and issues into the stories.

His farm is located a little ways from Little Red Bear’s cabin on Honey Hill, on the north side of Buttonbush Creek, and he has a little bit of everything going on there it seems. Red thought it might be fun to take everyone on a visit to Farmer Turner’s to meet some of his friends and other animals living on the farm, and is hoping you might bring any little ones you may have along for the trip, too.

This video is dedicated to our wonderful and helpful friends– Marilyn Schroeder keeping it real growing wheat in Nebraska, and the author Kathleen Creighton, the self-described “Farm Tamer” herself. Please check out Kathleen’s amazing collection of award-winning Romance stories on Amazon.

So here you go– “A Visit to Farmer Turner’s Farm.” As always, Little Red Bear reminds to view on full screen with the speakers on if possible. Have a nice time! Careful where you step, and thanks as always for stopping by! — Jim (and Red!)

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Short Story Collection on Amazon.

Available for Kindle, eReaders and in Paperback!

Goat and Sheep Buddies from Sunflower Rag Works, not credited maybe

Humpty Dumpty Retold– He Did What???

June 24, 2015May 1, 2016 / jrmilson / 2 Comments

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,

Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.”

How sad. And kind of a depressing lesson to impart to children. A little Egg Boy, simply engaged in active playtime, suddenly smashed to smithereens on a scalding, sunny summer sidewalk. We can only imagine what happened next. But that was a long time ago and they did things differently then. They tended to make lessons scary to have an impact.

A cute little girl in her best red riding cloak being eaten by a ravenous wolf. Two lost children captured by a witch. Two children fetching water and one falls down and splits his head open. All just going about their normal lives and routines — visiting a shut-in grandmother in the woods, being accused of simply overeating, doing their daily chores. Stacks of poisoned apples lying about to sicken unsuspecting hungry travelers and wayfarers. Perilous times indeed. The original story of Sleeping Beauty is so terrifying it cannot even be retold here. And we won’t even talk about Bluebeard. Dreadful, ghastly stuff.

So, to set the record straight, more or less, here’s what really happened on that day in Humpty Dumpty land. The public deserves to know.

Young Prince Humpty Before the Great Fall (unknown artist)

Young Prince Humpty Showing Off With Playmates, Before the Great Fall
(unknown artist)

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,

Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

So they each took turns reading to Humpty Dumpty from “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”, a collection of short stories entertaining for all ages.

The positive fun stories were just what Humpty Dumpty needed to lift his spirits and take his mind off the fracturing wall fiasco while he convalesced in a nursing home. The little egg prince (yes– he was indeed a prince, they left that part out, see the historical record image for proof, i.e. the crown) felt better right away. His shattered shell mended and he was soon on his way back out the door again to play. He felt smashing, but in a good and not crashing, bashing sort of way. Humpty Dumpty had learned valuable life lessons from Little Red Bear, to be bold but not reckless, so never again found himself teetering precipitously on a windy western wall.

Humpty Dumpty lived to a happy old age, attributing all of his success and glories to the lessons learned from Little Red Bear over the years. He followed after his father, the Right and Proper King of Cackleberry, eventually becoming King of all the Omelets and lived in a beautiful castle surrounded by high, glistening pink granite walls, all with duly approved, certified and regularly inspected safety railings, in the fanciful Land of Frittatas.

The End.”

Now isn’t that a better bedtime story to share with the little ones? Mistakes happen, but we work to repair the damage and get on with it.

And most notable of all– “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” has been shown to have the magical and mystical powers to alter the course of history and kingdoms.*

Click Here to Order Your Copy and Change Your History Today!

Thanks as always for visiting! — Jim (and Red!)

* * * * * * * * * * *

*Results may vary. Read as directed. Proven clinically effective in the ongoing treatment and relief of boredom, irritability, idleness, sloth, disquietude, melancholy, deterioration of reading skills, and ambivalence. Store in a dry place at controlled room temperature. “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”, as all fine literature, should be kept within the easy reach of children. Repeated readings and doses produce enhanced results, intensify laugh lines, smooth wrinkles and aid in weight loss if the reader refrains from eating while reading on a treadmill. Do not read if allergic to humor and common sense. You should avoid excessive or prolonged exposure to negative thinking. You should not read these stories while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery, or swimming in a swamp. Possible side effects include giggling, spontaneous outbursts of hearty laughter, and happy thoughts, which may in turn lead to Peter Pan Syndrome and unexpected flight. If a flight lasts more than four hours, consult a certified aviator.** In an emergency or Zombie Apocalypse, this book may be used as a fire starter for warmth or rescue.***

**Statements made by the writer of this book have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Any statements made by the writer of this book should not be intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, malady, affliction, hazard, heartburn, indigestion, feelings of anxiety, hopelessness or depression, erectile dysfunction, queeziness, dyspepsia, uneven tire pressure or other unspecified uncomfortableness. If you are pregnant, nursing, taking medication or have a medical condition, perch frequently on ledges and high walls, please consult your librarian before embarking on Little Red Bear’s adventures or taking any advice offered within. This book has not been demonstrated to restore hair in balding men, or to remove crow’s feet or unsightly spots and stains.

***Claims to the contrary notwithstanding, unlike the paperback print copy, the Kindle version does NOT make a suitable fire starter in an emergency. Ordering extra PRINT versions is advised for Zombie survival preparedness.****

****Updated– recent lab studies have confirmed that the Kindle version is NOT a reliable fire starter in an emergency. However, the Kindle version, when forcefully thrust forward in a downward striking motion may indeed prove effective in bashing a Zombie’s skull in self-defense. Experts now advise ordering adequate copies of both versions in order to be properly prepared in the event of survival emergency.

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” — Available for Kindle, eReaders and in Paperback

His Highness and Royal Majesty King Humpty the Learned, Studying "The Adventures of Little Red Bear" (artwork by Milo Winter, 1916)

His Highness and Most Royal Majesty King Humpty the Learned, Studying “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”
(artwork by Milo Winter, 1916)

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Short Stories on Amazon

About an Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends!

Introducing “Howdy!” — the Burrowing Owl

June 20, 2015June 20, 2015 / jrmilson / 1 Comment

“Howdy!”

That is how a new story character introduced himself to me several months ago. Out of nowhere, he just popped into my head one morning with a loud “Howdy!” and it has been a fun and interesting time ever since.

Red and I already had more story characters interviewed and on board for the first collection of “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short stories than we could fit into the first collection, and the stories were already well underway at the time. But then “Howdy!” strode in and made such an impression on both Red and I that we stopped everything right there, and knew we had to go back and make room for him. Fortunately, being a little guy, he doesn’t take up much space.

Burrowing Owl- Sneaking A Peek

“Howdy!” is a Burrowing Owl from way out west in the Oklahoma Panhandle and has been thru quite a lot for a little guy. Burrowing Owls inhabit grasslands, rangelands, agricultural areas and other open, dry areas with low vegetation. From their name, they live in a hole in the ground, not up in a tree like other owls. Although capable and willing to dig their own burrows, more frequently they inhabit existing holes abandoned by prairie dogs, skunks, armadillos, tortoises and the like.

Burrowing Owls via Cornell Lab of Ornithology (© Ned Harris, AZ, Tucson, June 2009)

Unlike most owls, Burrowing Owls are active during the day, although wisely avoiding the midday heat. But like most owls, they do most of their hunting between the hours of dusk to dawn, taking advantage of their superior night vision and hearing. So “Howdy!” does not sleep a lot. And he does it all without coffee, caffeine or chocolate, which is truly amazing in itself.

Living in open grasslands as opposed to forests, Burrowing Owls have long legs and short tails which allow them to sprint very quickly across the ground in pursuit of prey. They are small in size, about 11” long, a little larger than an American Robin when fully grown. When agitated, they bob their head up and down, revealing a white chin patch. But I cannot imagine this sweet little guy ever being agitated or angry.

Burrowing Owl in California on top of Burrowing Owl Sign Post (by Jeff Cartier of Ventura, CA)

Burrowing Owls have no ear tufts, unlike many other owls. They feature prominent white eyebrow markings, and in color they are brownish, with lighter colored bars on the front and spots on the back. They have noticeable bright yellow eyes. No other owls are commonly seen on the ground or so frequently during daylight hours. Here is a wonderful little video from the Smithsonian Channel if you would like to learn more about “Howdy!” and his Burrowing Owl cousins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4u5p1FgMPk

As with many birds and creatures, Burrowing Owls are threatened or endangered in some areas due to loss of habitat as more open nesting areas are plowed under for development and agriculture.

This half-pint owl immediately captured our hearts and is featured in “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short story collection available on Amazon. The Kindle version officially releases on Tuesday, June 23rd, and is available for preorder now. The Paperback print version is available for immediate shipment.

With the stories out now Red wanted to introduce you to his new little friend to let you know a bit more about him, and we’re sure you will recognize him when he enters the stories. Not noted for stimulating conversation, he still makes quite the impression.

“Howdy!”

As always, thanks for stopping by for a visit! – Jim (and Red!)

Order Your Copy of “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” on Amazon

“Howdy!” — the Burrowing Owl

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” — Available in Kindle and Paperback

Now Entering the Ring– Little Red Bear!

June 18, 2015 / jrmilson / Leave a comment

As you may recall, we discussed which genres and book categories to list “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” in a few weeks ago. If you missed it, here is a link to the original post→ Lost in Quandary Without a Compass.

After a good deal of follow-up discussion and being allowed two categories in which to enter, we decided one would be “Juvenile→Fiction→Animals→Bears.”

From the very beginning, the stories have been written with children in mind as well as adults, so the first selection of “Juvenile” seemed like a no-brainer. Although Red certifies that all of the adventures really did take place exactly as described, we were required to list the book in “Fiction”, lacking photographic proof or evidence to back up his assertions. The next step was easy, as the stories feature a good number and wide variety of wildlife, domestic farm animals, birds and such, so “Animals” seemed straightforward enough.

But then we came to the next grouping to narrow it down even further. With it being “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” there was clearly only one choice– “Bears.” Simple enough– right?

But here’s the rub. We then realized that stepping into that ring would put us in direct competition with not only one, but two heavyweight champions in the field. Titans of the literary world– Winnie the Pooh and Paddington Bear! And they’re both that cute and cuddly teddy bear, golden brown color, to boot.

Winnie the Pooh, author A. A. Milne

Paddington Bear, author Michael Bond.

But we just don’t see any viable alternative. It’s not like Red is afraid of them or anything, as he is a real bear and not a cartoon drawing or stuffed teddy bear, after all. He just always tries to peacefully avoid confrontation whenever possible. An admirable trait to be sure. Nevertheless, don’t let their cuteness fool you. Pooh and Paddington are rock stars in the field. Literally– movie stars! These two fluffy ruffians dominate their category and squish competitors like a blueberry on a walking path without even breaking stride!

It would basically be starting over, but I asked Red if he would like me to recast him as a chipmunk or squirrel, to maybe compete against Chip and Dale or Rocky instead. But as he pointed out, we had already signed on Scritch the Chipmunk and Rusty the Fairydiddle for the second collection of stories and Red didn’t want to put them out of work, just to take their place. He’s a nice guy like that. And too, it would be incredibly difficult for a chipmunk or squirrel to pull off some of the feats in the stories which Red did as himself– a bear. So it looks like we’re committed to the “Bears” category. No other choice, really.

But I’ll admit it. I am a little worried. I know that Winnie the Pooh is all about his honey, and so is Little Red Bear. I just hope there’s enough honey to go around for everyone. But Paddington is into marmalade, so that shouldn’t be an issue, as long as he stays on the jammy side of the tracks. They are all really good sorts though, so I’m sure they’ll share and work it out. I hope.

There is one notable thing that separates Red from the others. He is a real bear and these are real bear stories with real bear action. Or as close as they can be given that he is so uncommonly special– walking on two legs, talking and wearing overalls and a straw hat as he does.

So, just to be safe, a word of caution is probably in order — these are not your mother’s Winnie the Pooh, picture book style, cuddly teddy bear stories. Just sayin’. There are a few honest-to-goodness, real backwoods varmints and perils in these stories.

Also, before I forget, Red wants me to remind you that “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short stories collection will be released next Tuesday, June 23rd for Kindle and eReaders, and may be preordered on Amazon. Paperback print copies of the book are available for immediate shipment and delivery right now! And if you’re not sure how the preorder process works, you just hit the preorder button on the Amazon site, they don’t bill you until the actual book is downloaded on the 23rd, and magical elves work to install “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” automatically into your Kindle or other device overnight while you sleep. Couldn’t be easier, and that way we don’t run the risk of forgetting to go back and order it and avoid having to wait in long queues backed up behind the inevitable crowds on the actual release day on Tuesday. You can be comfortably enjoying the stories at home with a cup of tea and cookies while the late-comers are anxiously waiting in line!

And, one last thing– as a favor– if you happen to come across Pooh or Paddington strolling about anytime, please let them know that Red’s not looking to dethrone anybody or take anyone’s title belt. If they could just give us a wee bit of space to pitch our little book and tent, maybe on the outskirts of the forest in their kingdom, we’d be much obliged.

Thanks as always for the visit and reading along! — Jim (and Red!)

Order Your Copy of “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Today!

Available for Kindle and eReaders and in Paperback