Little Red Bear Answers Reader Questions — “Reading Safety Advisory!”

“Letters.  We get letters.  We get lots and lots of letters.”

Little Red Bear and I have been receiving a number of questions from readers the past few weeks regarding “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short stories collection, and after we talked about it while sitting around the campfire the other night with Albuquerque, Aunt Ivy and some of the others, Little Red Bear and I decided it might be a good idea to share some of the questions and answers with everyone.   Here is the first one, what Red thought might be the most important question we have received so far.

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Reader Question from S. R. in Jolly River Falls, MN – “Dear Little Red Bear — Is there a time when it is not safe or prudent to read “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short stories?”

Answer— That is a very good question!  And it so happens, something we have looked into.  From the beginning, we figured in all honesty, that we most likely wouldn’t be generating a New York Times Bestseller list of readers, so should try to protect and insure the safety of those we do accumulate along the way, being probably few in number.  So as it turns out, we did research this very topic before we released the book on Amazon.

Here are the times and situations we determined as most unsafe or imprudent to read the stories, so accordingly are issuing the following Public Safety Advisory.  A few instances we determined were—

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General Advisories

Do Not Read “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”

When operating a motor vehicle, aircraft or heavy machinery.

While swimming in a swamp with alligators.

While snorkeling with sharks.

While at work with a supervisor possessing questionable tastes in literature.

While in the bathtub or hot tub if reading on a laptop plugged into an electrical socket.

In a lightning storm if standing alone in an open area.

While skydiving if the main parachute has failed to deploy.

While riding a mule to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. The mules perfectly know the way of course, but in this one instance we feel you really should not miss the once in a lifetime views of the Canyon. Read later at basecamp.

While shaving with a straight razor.

When wandering unaccompanied by armed escort in lion country.

While cooking over an open flame. (This caution applies to the paperback version, only.)

While performing roofing or window washing work above the sixth floor of a building.

While surveying a buffalo herd. (It’s not really unsafe, per se. It’s just that bison have not made it into the stories yet and are still a little miffed about it. Just don’t let them see what you are reading and it should be okay.  And of course, never roller skate in a buffalo herd whether you’re reading the book or not, but you most likely knew that one already.)

Industry Specific Advisories

For Medical Professionals- do not read while performing or assisting in major surgeries and/or dental work.

For Baseball Players- do not read while batting or catching. Field position players may safely read during the lull in between pitches. Umpiring crews, as well.  Reading the adventures while in the dugout and bullpen is highly recommended for all to relieve tedium.  Reading the adventures is also highly recommended to pass the time for soccer goalies.

Reading Exemptions

Members of Congress are exempted from reading “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”.  While there is certainly a lot which could be learned from the stories for them, it is generally agreed that they just have too much meaningful work to do at this time to risk being distracted by fun and common sense.

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We hope this helped answer your important safety question regarding the reading of Red’s adventures.  In most other instances, we have determined that it is both safe and prudent to read “The Adventures of Little Red Bear.”  Indeed, highly recommended for clean family fun and reading entertainment!  Thanks for the question S. R., and we’re hoping you enjoy the stories.  Please remember to scrape your boots off before coming back inside from an adventure!  We don’t want to be hearing about dirty floors from irate mothers.   So please scrape your boots.  Especially after a visit to Farmer Turner’s.

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Remember folks, keep those questions and letters coming. We’ll get to them as best we can here for you.  Happy reading, and thanks as always for stopping by! And remember folks, every path has a few puddles in life.  The sun will be back out soon enough to dry you off and help you on your way again.   – Jim (and Red!)

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