Finding A Dog For Little Red Bear!

The day began well enough.  Much colder than a few days before and with a light coating of overnight snow on the ground, but otherwise fine for a weekend morning in early March.  The daffodils had been blooming all week, along with white-flowering Bartlett Pears and other trees budding and coming into bloom.  Yellow forsythias were just beginning to stretch and awaken, as well.  In the tree tops, Cardinals were still singing despite the snow and cold, seemingly to encourage Spring warmth to quickly return.

Peacefully savoring a hot cup of breakfast tea, the day took a turn when Little Red Bear came thru the door, accompanied by my writing muse, hovering alongside.  If you have never seen a writing muse, or at least mine – so chances are you haven’t – just picture a sweet and kindly fairy in your mind, but with a “my way or the highway, don’t cross me” attitude.

“Jim, I want to talk to you about something,” Little Red Bear blurted out.

“Hi,” I replied. “And good morning to you too, Red.”

“Yeah, yeah. Good morning.  I want to talk to you about something.”

“Go ahead, Red.  What’s on your mind?”

“Jim,” Little Red Bear began, “I want to add another character to the stories.

“What now?” I replied, aware that we had already over-filled our story character recruitment goal for “The Second Holler Over!” story collection underway now, and greatly exceeded the budget with the recently published “Pine Holler Christmas” story.

“A dog.  I want to have a dog in the stories.”

“We already have a dog coming into the stories – remember?  Ol’ Blue.  And we just added the Barker House Blues Band, as well.  They’re going to appear with Banjo the Bluegrass Bunny at the benefit concert later in the summer.”

“Well, I want one more.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Because is not a reason.”

“Because – I want to.”

“That’s still not a reason.”

“It’s good enough for me.”

“Not for me. Not a reason.”

At times like these I look back thankfully for a patience skill developed, sometimes agonizingly, over many years of raising four children.

“I want to add a dog to the stories.”

“We have already added Ol’ Blue.”

“Yeah. But his name says it all – Ol’ Blue – ‘old.  O – L – apostrophe – D. Old.  He just lays around on the front porch or by the fireplace reminiscing about the past.”

“Well, he had a very interesting past. That’s why we decided to add him.  Remember?”

Ol’ Blue, the Bluetick Coonhound (retired)

“Well then, I want to add another dog to the stories.”

“Why Red? Please tell me why you want to add another dog to the stories when we are already overflowing with new characters for the next collection.”

“Well, because . . . . I want a dog . . . . and . . . . Cinnamon Charlie would like having a dog around to play with. Yeah, Cinnamon Charlie — he wants a dog, too.”

“He plays around with Goat.”

“We need a dog. A watch dog. Nobody has a ‘watch goat’.  To keep an eye out for the weasels poking around all the time.”

“The little fox sheriff, Albuquerque Red, takes care of that.  He oversees weasel patrols.”

“Jim, now listen up here, ‘cause apparently from what I can see, you just ain’t hearin’ me well this morning.  I – want – a – dog.”

Little Red Bear crossed his arms, firmly planted his right foot on the floor and then started pattering his large left foot on the floorboards of the cabin.  He did seem determined and it was obvious he had his mind made up. But stories can only have so many characters and surely there must be a limit.  Somewhere.

“Red, now you listen up. You know very well what the ‘writing rules’ people say. Too many characters can be confusing and make it hard for readers to keep track, and slows down the story pace. They tell writers to consolidate many characters into one.  Clean – fast – snappy – to the point, start to finish.  Everybody wants to hurry and get to the finish nowadays. That’s what they say. Too many characters and cooks spoil the broth.”

“Well, Mr. Fancy Writing Rules – we ain’t makin’ no broth. Are we? Or soup. Or stew. Need I remind you that we are telling old-fashioned, family-friendly stories, not modern, fast-paced thrillers? One of your own favorite writers is William Faulkner, who could take one sentence and spin it into a paragraph. Folks back then called it ‘artful and colorful writing.’ Now the rules people want everything bare bones, ‘zip-zip.’  And don’t you always and adamantly maintain that you don’t follow any rules, and openly defy the ‘writing rules police’ anyway?”

“But . . . .”

“There ain’t no ‘buts’ about it. Now Jim, listen here. You, your very own self, described our slower paced stories as being told at a pace of ‘country comfortable’. Those were your own words. I didn’t think that up – you did. And it’s you who always contend that readers today already have enough helter-skelter, hurry-up stories and stress in their lives and need somewhere to go to slow down and relax.  To take time to smell the wildflowers and listen to the songbirds, and to reconnect with Mother Nature.  Read and let the story unfold at a leisurely pace. That’s what our stories are about. And I don’t see how adding one more character – a dog – is going to harm anything. And what reader worth their salt doesn’t love a dog?”

It’s hard to argue back when getting beat with your own logic.

“But the character list has already grown so long, Red. It’s getting harder and harder trying to fit everyone into the stories and give them a job. Now you want to add yet another.”

“Well, you’re the writer, Jim.  You’ll figure it out.  And besides, you always assert that the stories are supposed to be Entertaining, Informative and Educational. How can we inform or educate folks about new animals, critters, flowers, trees, nature, and such, if we never meet them or talk about them in the stories?  You can’t consolidate a chipmunk, a raccoon, a porcupine and a turkey vulture into one character no matter what the ‘writing police’ say. There ain’t no such creature.  That’s fantasy then, not education.  Have an answer for that one? Are you going to just sit there and let the ‘writing police’ tell you what you can and can’t do?  Huh?!?”

(We couldn’t find a good Writing Rules sign for you anywhere, so Little Red Bear brought back this one, saying it was the same principle.)

Scratching the top of my head, I closed my eyes and thought for a minute, a curious habit picked up from working with Little Red Bear thru the years. He wasn’t playing fair, because he challenged my strongly independent nature and disdain for ‘rules’. I then looked over at my writing muse, still hovering in place beside Little Red Bear and impatiently tapping her wand in her hand, with a “you better do this” look on her face.

“I’m not going to win this argument, am I?”

“Nope,” Little Red Bear replied with a grin while patting me on the back of my shoulders, “you’re not.  Now, why don’t you just busy yourself with writing that new dog into the stories and I’ll go start getting a spot ready for him to stay.”

Little Red Bear turned to leave, stopped and came back towards me.

“And make sure it’s a big dog.  Not some little froufrou, yappy type.  I’m a bear and need a big, burly dog to keep up with me. And if Cinnamon Charlie goes wrestling with some little teeny dog he might break it.  Someone sizable and strong to guard against the weasels, like me.”

“How about an ox instead?”

“I don’t want no dadgum ox!  I want a dog.  A big one!”

“Yeah – big dog – got it. Anything else?”

“With a loud bark to scare away weasels and trespassers.”

“Okay.  One big, noisy dog.”

“And brown.  I like brown.  Kinda reddish-brown, like me.  And white.  And maybe a touch of black here and there.  And a long, bushy tail.”

“Anything else that you want on it?  Racing stripes?  Polka dots? Dancing shoes?  Power windows?”

“Well now you’re bein’ silly.  Just get busy and add the dog, please.”

Little Red Bear turned once again to leave, only to wheel back around, shaking his right paw at me in a scolding manner.

“One more thing.  No tricks like you did to me with that mini pig Swinestein that I couldn’t understand or talk to in the first set of stories! I had to spend all last winter learning how to speak ‘Pig’.  I want to be able to talk with this dog.”

With that, Little Red Bear went back outside and I was left to be overseen by my writing muse to make sure I got busy, with a now very cold cup of tea.

“Hey, Charlie!”, I heard Little Red Bear call out.  “We got the dog!”

Note to self – “add a doga BIG one.”


What kind of dog do you think we should find for Little Red Bear in the next story collection?  And what should we name it?  Please feel free to add your suggestions in the comments, and we’ll have some fun.  —  Jim  (and Red!)

Family Times — Together Times — The Best Times!

Children + Nature + Outdoors = Happy, Healthy Balanced Kids


Old-fashioned, Family-friendly Stories and Fun for All Ages and Fitness Levels!
About an Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends.

 

Little Red Bear Answers Reader Questions — “Cushaw What?”

More reader questions for Little Red Bear!   Here we go with another one . . . . . .

Reader Question from Doubting Thomas in Bristly Barbs, South Dakota – “Dear Little Red Bear —  I enjoyed your adventures very much and realize they are listed under fiction, but tell the truth for once . . . you’re making all of this stuff up, aren’t you?  A ‘Cushaw Pie’ mentioned in “The Storm” story?!?  I have never heard of a cushaw anything and I have heard of a lot.  So be honest.  You and that writer guy Jim are just pulling our legs on that one, right?”

Answer— That is a very good question, Thomas!  And we are happy that you took notice and the time to write us about it.  As you pointed out, the stories are listed under the ‘Fiction’ category, but that’s only because when Little Red Bear was having all of his adventures, people video taping everything and taking selfies had not really come into fashion yet, so having no photographic record Amazon made us list them as fiction, even though every one really, truly did happen just as they are written.  Word for word.  More or less.

Now, to the Cushaw Pie concern.  Yes, Thomas, there really is such a thing as a Cushaw Pie made from a Cushaw Squash.  Maybe it would help for you to think of it as a Pumpkin with a different name.  And shape.  And color.  With stripes.   But the rest is very similar.

A Cushaw Pie is made from a Cushaw Squash, an heirloom crookneck squash, and is a Southern Appalachian tradition.  The cushaw is sometimes referred to as a “Tennessee Sweet Potato.”  It does very well when grown, is resistant to pesky vine borers, and because it hails from the Caribbean tends to grow well in hot, dry climates.  The inner flesh is light yellowish, with a mild, sweet flavor.

You have probably seen them used in autumn decorations, along with pumpkins, hay bales, scarecrows and such, but just didn’t know the name.  And while so many folks use them for Autumn, Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations, few realize that they are not only edible but make up into a fantastic pie.  Just like a pumpkin.

Here is a Cushaw Pie recipe to get you started the next time you see one, along with some links to some more cushaw recipes on our Pinterest Boards — Cushaw Pie Recipe, Kentucky Proud Cushaw Pie Recipe,  Best Cushaw Pie Recipe, Cushaw Squash Soup Recipe, Cranberry Cushaw Bread.

Cushaw Pie Recipe, via Kentucky Proud

Cushaw Pie Recipe, via Kentucky Proud

Hope that answers your question about the Cushaw Pie in “The Storm” story, Thomas.   As you can see, it is a real thing.   Happy reading and cooking, and thanks for writing in and being such an involved fan of Little Red Bear!

Horizontal Rule 1

Please keep those questions and letters coming. We’ll get to them as best we can here for you.  Happy reading, and thanks as always for stopping by!  And remember folks, cushaws can be pretty heavy, but it don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge. – Jim (and Red!)

Cushaw Squash with Pumpkin Decoration

Cushaw Squash with Pumpkin Decoration

Old-fashioned, Family-friendly Stories and Fun for All Ages and Fitness Levels!
About an Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends.

Little Red Bear Unable to Attend Book Signing Event

Still mending from a leg injury suffered on the writing set a week ago, Little Red Bear will not be able to make the scheduled book signing and personal appearance at “McNickle’s Famous Pickles & Pork Rinds” this coming Saturday, located on Shady Holler Road, just west of Knob Lick.  The country store is located about half a mile past Turner’s red barn and across from the split pin oak if you’re unfamiliar with the area.  If you find yourself sitting in front of the Post Office, chances are you most likely missed the barn and went too far.  Remember, the barn sits back from the road a bit behind the row of hedge apples, so you need to be on the lookout for it.  And if that’s the case, it’s best to just start over from where you left and try again.

Bobo and Lily, black bears and recurring featured characters in the “Adventures of Little Red Bear” stories, will be taking Red’s place and happy to do so, being the good friends and neighbors that they are. They will be bringing a good supply of autographed Little Red Bear pictures, along with pre-signed books available for purchase, and will be autographing books themselves, as well.  Lily has even volunteered to demonstrate the famous “Lily Bear Shuffle” if Earl and Lester bring their banjos along.

 Village Country Store, Cold Spring Village, Cape May, NJ

Village Country Store, Cold Spring Village, Cape May, NJ

Ethel McNickle will generously be giving away free samples of her prize-winning pickles and pork rinds, famous countywide, to all in attendance.  Ethel’s second cousin once removed  will also be there for the event, with samples of her new and locally grown “Lorene’s Greens & Beans”.  As you may recall, McNickle’s Pickles was founded many years ago by Ethel’s twin grandfathers,  Fickle and Tickle McNickle, who always used to say — “If your pickle don’t snap, it ain’t worth a cr–!”  (it’s a ‘G’ rated blog)

And be sure to check out Ethel’s blue ribbon Plumberry Preserves while there, too.   Bobo won’t be leaving without a few jars, so you might want to show up early before they run out.

So, we’re sorry to say that Little Red Bear will miss the event and he feels just gosh-awful terrible about it, but be assured that Bobo and Lily will more than make the trip worthwhile for you.  Not to mention Ethel’s pickles and pork rinds.  And if someone tosses Bobo a beach ball, well — there’s no telling the show he may put on!  As a note though, just so you’re not disappointed, Lily has been instructed not to let Bobo anywhere near a bicycle.  Our Backwoods Indemnity and Bite Casualty Insurance plan is stretched past the limits with Little Red Bear’s injury, and poor Aunt Ivy has nearly picked her herb garden clean already, this being so early in the season and all. Simply can’t risk any more character injuries at the moment and still meet the bills next month.

The Vermont Country Store

The Vermont Country Store, Weston, Vermont — September 2012 via The Mr. Hunter Wall Blog

And just one more thing before we let you go.  While he is laid up, now is a good time to remind everyone to send in their questions for the “Ask Little Red Bear” feature.  If you have a question that you’ve been sitting on about any of Red’s past or coming adventures, there’s no need to sit any longer waiting for it to hatch.  Don’t be shy — just ask away!  Red and I will be happy to try to find or make up an answer for you.  No dating or relationship questions though.  We need all the advice and help we can get in that area ourselves.

Thanks as always for visiting with us.  Hope you get a chance to drop by McNickle’s Pickles on Saturday!  If I can get away from writing with Little Red Bear while he takes a restful nap in the afternoon, maybe I’ll be able to drop in myself for a few minutes.  I do love those pork rinds!  And someone please save me a jar of Plumberry Preserves.  — Jim  ( and Red!)

Artwork -- "Mt. Airy Old Country Store II" by Dan Carmichael. (Prints available at dan-carmichael.pixels.com)

Artwork — “Mt. Airy Old Country Store II” by Dan Carmichael. (Prints available at dan-carmichael.pixels.com)

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Available on Amazon

Short Stories About An Uncommonly Special Bear & His Friends!

Little Red Bear Injured On The Writing Set — Story Production To Continue!

Writing action/adventure stories set in nature and featuring a wide variety of wild animals, critters, and unpredictable humans is not without risk.  Things happen.   Bumps, bruises, scrapes.  An occasional nip or bite, especially in scenes involving the weasels.  But nothing usually too serious.  Harrison Ford himself had an accident on the “Star Wars” movie set a little while ago if you recall, breaking his leg.  Jackie Chan fractured his skull in a fall while filming “Armour of God.”   The list of on-set actor injuries is long, and I’m sure the list of literary injuries is most likely longer.  I can’t begin to imagine the list of character injury reports from Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick” as he was writing it.

Well, it seems I’m kind of beating around the bush here, not wanting to really break the news.  But to get to it, we had a writing accident over the weekend.  Little Red Bear  and his friends were busily engaged in one of his action/adventure stories and Red injured his leg in an action scene in the first of the next collection of short stories — “The Adventures of Little Red Bear: The Second Holler Over!”

The injury is not terribly serious, but it will lay him up for a spell while his leg heals.  From the beginning I have wanted to provide Red with a stunt double to take his place in writing heavy action scenes, but being Red, he has always been adamant about doing all of his own stunt work because, as he says, — “My reader fans deserve a hundred and ten and three-quarters percent and the very best from me.”

Have to admire that I suppose, even if we are now confronted with proceeding on along without him, the major lead character in his own stories, for a while.  If there is any lesson to be learned from the event (other than not having hired a stunt double!) I suppose it might be — if a well-wisher ever says to you “Break a leg!” —  don’t take them literally.

We are going to continue working on the stories while Little Red Bear is laid up and on the mend, trying to write around his scenes as best as possible while hoping we don’t experience any extended production delays.  And we will provide updates from time to time to let you know how he’s getting on.  But so are the risks I suppose of a wildlife literary action hero.  He is too embarrassed to let me take a picture and is hiding from the paparazzi in his cabin, so here is an artistic rendering to give an idea.  Not meaning to cause alarm or getting anyone worked up.  Aunt Ivy (you may recall her as the local healer from the first set of stories) assures that the injury will not be permanently incapacitating, just something that will have to heal over time.  It’s just unfortunate that it came at an inconvenient point when story work is ramping up.  But I suppose that is why they call them “accidents” instead of “on purposes” after all.

So, sorry to have been the bearer of bad bear news to all of Red’s fans.  Thanks for dropping by and have a nice day, and — careful where you step.  I’m off to interview some stunt doubles now.  —  Jim (and Red!)

An Artistic Representation of Little Red Bear's Injury

An Artistic Representation of Little Red Bear’s Injury

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Short Stories Available on Amazon

Old-fashioned Storytelling About An Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends!

 

 

New Writing Boots for Little Red Bear!

When it is time for Little Red Bear and I to sit down and get busy on his story adventures, I put on my writing boots to get to work.  So the title may be a tad misleading.  Little Red Bear does not wear boots, actually.  Overalls and a straw hat a good bit of the time, but no boots.   Surprisingly, they just don’t make them for bears.  The width is the biggest problem for them it seems.  The boots are for me.  I was referring to Red’s stories — “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” and their writing, of course.  It may be these new writing boots, not quite broken in yet that may have caused a little confusion with the title there, and apologize for that.

Little Red Bear and I have begun serious writing work on the next collection of Little Red Bear adventures, so I figured a new pair of Writing Boots was in order, having pretty much worn out three good pairs traipsing over the mountains and thru the hollers writing the first set of stories.  What do you think?  They are a pair of Justin’s Sorrel Apache boots.  Let’s take them for a little Test Write, shall we?

New Writing Boots- Justin Sorrel Apache Boots

New Writing Boots- Justin Sorrel Apache Boots

“Little Red Bear worked his way slowly up the hillside, crouching low behind bushes trying to remain unnoticed by the bees, busily at work on their hive at the crest of the hill.  He stopped to pause momentarily behind a large, flowering Honeysuckle Bush.  For you and I, the scents of honey wafting on the summer breeze in the direction of Little Red Bear would be undetectable.  But being a bear, he knew exactly where the hive was located, along with the size of the hive and amount of sweet, gooey honey stored inside.  Within an ounce or so anyway, he figured.

“Little Red Bear carefully wrapped his paws around his famed honey whacking stick, getting everything into position before rushing at the beehive.  “Three big steps, whack the hive, grab the honey and dash back home,” he thought to himself.

“All worked out in his mind, Little Red Bear bolted from behind the honeysuckle bush and raced towards the beehive.  Whack!  Just as planned and catching the bees totally by surprise, the beehive crashed to the ground.  But instead of splitting open as they normally do, it began to roll and tumbled over and over down the hillside.  Instantly, Geronimo and Cochise chased after the bouncing beehive.”

Geronimo!  Cochise!  Wait!  Who?  What?  Where did Geronimo and Cochise come from?!?   Must be the new Sorrel Apache writing boots!  Apparently, they’re not quite broken in yet.  I’ll keep working on it.   But I wonder if they might stick around to appear in a story?  We’ll have a talk with them and see.  Just never know who might pop in here.   We had a weathered old mountain man wander in thru the door this morning!   Stay tuned.  Regardless, it looks like there’s still more work to do getting these new writing boots broken in and ready for the next story collection, though.  I’ll get back to work on it.

In the meantime, thanks as always for stopping by for a visit!  Hope you like the new boots.  —  Jim (and Red!)

Sleeping Brown Bear, Pinterest Natilonal Geographic Society, uncredited

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Available on Amazon in Kindle and Print.

About An Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends!

Entertaining Stories for the Young and the Young-at-Heart

Order Your Copy Today!

Little Red Bear Answers Reader Questions – “Hummingbird Spit! What Could Be Better?”

Little Red Bear and I have received another reader question we thought it may be good to respond to for everyone.  Well, a question and a comment really, and good information to pass along.

Reader Question from S. F. on holiday at an undisclosed beach resort in the U. K. –“Dear Little Red Bear — Holiday reading, sunshine, and fresh sea air – what could be better?Thanks for translating Red, got plenty of buzzards’ breath but all out of catfish whiskers and the hummingbirds are being most uncooperative.”

Answer— For the benefit of those who have not read “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” yet, or may have unwisely skipped over the “Introduction”, what S. F. is referring to is that to save readers the difficulty and hassles of needing to translate all the different spoken animal languages and dialects back and forth as they read, Little Red Bear and I worked tirelessly to translate everything for you.  Bears speaking to birds and rabbits, turtles speaking to bears, humans speaking to bears and foxes, weasels yammering on, etc.  The pig is a different matter, and you will need to read for yourself to see what that is all about.

Information on the translation process was explained in the Introduction, along with many other things, and S. K. is referring to a few of the translation ingredients in her comment.  And it points to why we decided to go ahead and take care of the translations issue for readers ahead of time.  We didn’t charge extra for it.  Little Red Bear just felt it a nice to thing to do for folks.

In response to S. K. then — “Holiday reading, sunshine, and fresh sea air – what could be better?”  We can’t think right off of any better thing than being on holiday at the beach reading Little Red Bear stories, so you have us stumped with that one.  And yes, we have found the hummingbirds to be problematic and difficult to work with at times, as it seems the later it gets into summer the more of a sugar high they are on, causing some predictably spiky attitudes.  We are impressed with your having gathered sufficient quantities of the buzzard’s breath though, as that is where the translation process breaks down for many folks, unwilling to approach a turkey buzzard that closely.  Little Red Bear sends a big paw pat on the back for that one!

As for the other, we could mail some dried catfish whiskers over for you, but find that fresh whiskers work much better and produce a clearer translation in the end.  And since we have it all translated for you ahead of time anyway, we won’t bother to send any dried whiskers over to save you the mailing expense.

So, sorry we were stumped by that question, but want to thank you for writing in to let us know all that translation time and effort is helping readers out after all.

Horizontal Rule 1

So, a big thanks to S. F. for the comments!  Remember folks, please keep those questions and letters coming. We’ll get to them as best we can here for you.  Happy reading, and thanks as always for stopping by! And remember folks, the best sermons are lived, not preached.  God bless, y’all.  – Jim (and Red!)

Old-fashioned, Family-friendly Stories and Fun for All Ages and Fitness Levels!
About an Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends.

Little Red Bear Answers Reader Questions — “Angry Weasels! What To Do?”

Little Red Bear and I are getting more and more questions from readers.  So here’s another one, hoping to provide useful and life-saving information by sharing for all.

Reader Question from K. C. in Shriveled Branches, California – “Dear Little Red Bear — What should I do if confronted by an angry weasel?”

Answer— Another great question, because this seems to come up more often than most folks think.  The problem is, weasels are just not big on negotiating, so trying to reason with them or attempting to discover the source of their anger is largely a waste of time, as most just wake up angry in the morning right off the start, and their mood seems to follow on downhill from there.

We recommend telling the weasel a really funny joke, and hope it dies laughing.  It seemed to work very well for the Roger Rabbit folks.  If you’re not particularly funny, then we recommend running away as fast as you can, because the longer you stand in front of the weasel the hungrier it’s going to get while the time passes.  If you have wings, use them.  Because we haven’t found the weasel yet that can fly more than two laps around the feedlot.

Weasels are never easy to deal with, because even when they tell you  they’re going to behave and be your friend, they most likely ain’t.  So take whatever a weasel says with a grain of salt.  Or two.   Good luck with ’em, and we’ll keep y’all in our thoughts. — Little Red Bear

Horizontal Rule 1

A big thanks to K.C. for the question!  Remember folks, keep those questions and letters coming. We’ll get to them as best we can here for you.  Happy reading, and thanks as always for stopping by!   And remember folks, an angry weasel is considerably faster than a John Deere Tractor.  Best to try and stay on their good side.  If you can find one.  – Jim (and Red!)

Old-fashioned, Family-friendly Stories and Fun for All Ages and Fitness Levels!
About an Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends.

Little Red Bear Answers Reader Questions — “Reading Safety Advisory!”

“Letters.  We get letters.  We get lots and lots of letters.”

Little Red Bear and I have been receiving a number of questions from readers the past few weeks regarding “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short stories collection, and after we talked about it while sitting around the campfire the other night with Albuquerque, Aunt Ivy and some of the others, Little Red Bear and I decided it might be a good idea to share some of the questions and answers with everyone.   Here is the first one, what Red thought might be the most important question we have received so far.

Horizontal Rule 1

Reader Question from S. R. in Jolly River Falls, MN – “Dear Little Red Bear — Is there a time when it is not safe or prudent to read “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short stories?”

Answer— That is a very good question!  And it so happens, something we have looked into.  From the beginning, we figured in all honesty, that we most likely wouldn’t be generating a New York Times Bestseller list of readers, so should try to protect and insure the safety of those we do accumulate along the way, being probably few in number.  So as it turns out, we did research this very topic before we released the book on Amazon.

Here are the times and situations we determined as most unsafe or imprudent to read the stories, so accordingly are issuing the following Public Safety Advisory.  A few instances we determined were—

♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦

General Advisories

Do Not Read “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”

When operating a motor vehicle, aircraft or heavy machinery.

While swimming in a swamp with alligators.

While snorkeling with sharks.

While at work with a supervisor possessing questionable tastes in literature.

While in the bathtub or hot tub if reading on a laptop plugged into an electrical socket.

In a lightning storm if standing alone in an open area.

While skydiving if the main parachute has failed to deploy.

While riding a mule to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. The mules perfectly know the way of course, but in this one instance we feel you really should not miss the once in a lifetime views of the Canyon. Read later at basecamp.

While shaving with a straight razor.

When wandering unaccompanied by armed escort in lion country.

While cooking over an open flame. (This caution applies to the paperback version, only.)

While performing roofing or window washing work above the sixth floor of a building.

While surveying a buffalo herd. (It’s not really unsafe, per se. It’s just that bison have not made it into the stories yet and are still a little miffed about it. Just don’t let them see what you are reading and it should be okay.  And of course, never roller skate in a buffalo herd whether you’re reading the book or not, but you most likely knew that one already.)

Industry Specific Advisories

For Medical Professionals- do not read while performing or assisting in major surgeries and/or dental work.

For Baseball Players- do not read while batting or catching. Field position players may safely read during the lull in between pitches. Umpiring crews, as well.  Reading the adventures while in the dugout and bullpen is highly recommended for all to relieve tedium.  Reading the adventures is also highly recommended to pass the time for soccer goalies.

Reading Exemptions

Members of Congress are exempted from reading “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”.  While there is certainly a lot which could be learned from the stories for them, it is generally agreed that they just have too much meaningful work to do at this time to risk being distracted by fun and common sense.

♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦

We hope this helped answer your important safety question regarding the reading of Red’s adventures.  In most other instances, we have determined that it is both safe and prudent to read “The Adventures of Little Red Bear.”  Indeed, highly recommended for clean family fun and reading entertainment!  Thanks for the question S. R., and we’re hoping you enjoy the stories.  Please remember to scrape your boots off before coming back inside from an adventure!  We don’t want to be hearing about dirty floors from irate mothers.   So please scrape your boots.  Especially after a visit to Farmer Turner’s.

Horizontal Rule 1

Remember folks, keep those questions and letters coming. We’ll get to them as best we can here for you.  Happy reading, and thanks as always for stopping by! And remember folks, every path has a few puddles in life.  The sun will be back out soon enough to dry you off and help you on your way again.   – Jim (and Red!)

Dog- Reading 4 Pug

Old-fashioned, Family-friendly Stories and Fun for All Ages and Fitness Levels!
About an Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends.

New Little Red Bear Video– “A Visit to Farmer Turner’s Farm!”

Farmer Turner is a good friend and neighbor of Little Red Bear and one of the recurring characters in “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short story collection.  Thru Farmer Turner and some others to be introduced in later story collections, we are able to introduce domestic animals, farming and agricultural topics and issues into the stories.

His farm is located a little ways from Little Red Bear’s cabin on Honey Hill, on the north side of Buttonbush Creek, and he has a little bit of everything going on there it seems.  Red thought it might be fun to take everyone on a visit to Farmer Turner’s to meet some of his friends and other animals living on the farm, and is hoping you might bring any little ones you may have along for the trip, too.

This video is dedicated to our wonderful and helpful friends– Marilyn Schroeder keeping it real growing wheat in Nebraska, and the author Kathleen Creighton, the self-described “Farm Tamer” herself.  Please check out Kathleen’s amazing collection of award-winning Romance stories on Amazon.

So here you go– “A Visit to Farmer Turner’s Farm.”  As always, Little Red Bear reminds to view on full screen with the speakers on if possible.  Have a nice time!  Careful where you step, and thanks as always for stopping by!   —   Jim (and Red!)

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Short Story Collection on Amazon.

Available for Kindle, eReaders and in Paperback!

Humpty Dumpty Retold– He Did What???

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,

Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.”

How sad.  And kind of a depressing lesson to impart to children.  A little Egg Boy, simply engaged in active playtime, suddenly smashed to smithereens on a scalding, sunny summer sidewalk.  We can only imagine what happened next.   But that was a long time ago and they did things differently then.  They tended to make lessons scary to have an impact.

A cute little girl in her best red riding cloak being eaten by a ravenous wolf.  Two lost children captured by a witch.  Two children fetching water and one falls down and splits his head open.  All just going about their normal lives and routines — visiting a shut-in grandmother in the woods, being accused of simply overeating, doing their daily chores.  Stacks of poisoned apples lying about to sicken unsuspecting hungry travelers and wayfarers. Perilous times indeed. The original story of Sleeping Beauty is so terrifying it cannot even be retold here.  And we won’t even talk about Bluebeard.  Dreadful, ghastly stuff.

So, to set the record straight, more or less, here’s what really happened on that day in Humpty Dumpty land.  The public deserves to know.

Young Prince Humpty Before the Great Fall (unknown artist)

Young Prince Humpty Showing Off With Playmates, Before the Great Fall
(unknown artist)

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,

Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

So they each took turns reading to Humpty Dumpty from “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”, a collection of short stories entertaining for all ages.

The positive fun stories were just what Humpty Dumpty needed to lift his spirits and take his mind off the fracturing wall fiasco while he convalesced in a nursing home.  The little egg prince (yes– he was indeed a prince, they left that part out, see the historical record image for proof, i.e. the crown) felt better right away.  His shattered shell mended and he was soon on his way back out the door again to play.  He felt smashing, but in a good and not crashing, bashing sort of way.  Humpty Dumpty had learned valuable life lessons from Little Red Bear, to be bold but not reckless, so never again found himself teetering precipitously on a windy western wall.

Humpty Dumpty lived to a happy old age, attributing all of his success and glories to the lessons learned from Little Red Bear over the years.  He followed after his father, the Right and Proper King of Cackleberry, eventually becoming King of all the Omelets and lived in a beautiful castle surrounded by high, glistening pink granite walls, all with duly approved, certified and regularly inspected safety railings, in the fanciful Land of Frittatas.

The End.”

Now isn’t that a better bedtime story to share with the little ones?  Mistakes happen, but we work to repair the damage and get on with it.

And most notable of all– “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” has been shown to have the magical and mystical powers to alter the course of history and kingdoms.*

Click Here to Order Your Copy and Change Your History Today!

Thanks as always for visiting!  —  Jim (and Red!)

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

*Results may vary. Read as directed. Proven clinically effective in the ongoing treatment and relief of boredom, irritability, idleness, sloth, disquietude, melancholy, deterioration of reading skills, and ambivalence.  Store in a dry place at controlled room temperature.  “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”, as all fine literature, should be kept within the easy reach of children.  Repeated readings and doses produce enhanced results, intensify laugh lines, smooth wrinkles and aid in weight loss if the reader refrains from eating while reading on a treadmill.  Do not read if allergic to humor and common sense.  You should avoid excessive or prolonged exposure to negative thinking.  You should not read these stories while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery, or swimming in a swamp.  Possible side effects include giggling, spontaneous outbursts of hearty laughter, and happy thoughts, which may in turn lead to Peter Pan Syndrome and unexpected flight.  If a flight lasts more than four hours, consult a certified aviator.**  In an emergency or Zombie Apocalypse, this book may be used as a fire starter for warmth or rescue.***

**Statements made by the writer of this book have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.  Any statements made by the writer of this book should not be intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, malady, affliction, hazard, heartburn, indigestion, feelings of anxiety, hopelessness or depression, erectile dysfunction, queeziness, dyspepsia, uneven tire pressure or other unspecified uncomfortableness.  If you are pregnant, nursing, taking medication or have a medical condition, perch frequently on ledges and high walls, please consult your librarian before embarking on Little Red Bear’s adventures or taking any advice offered within. This book has not been demonstrated to restore hair in balding men, or to remove crow’s feet or unsightly spots and stains.

***Claims to the contrary notwithstanding, unlike the paperback print copy, the Kindle version does NOT make a suitable fire starter in an emergency.  Ordering extra PRINT versions is advised for Zombie survival preparedness.****

****Updated– recent lab studies have confirmed that the Kindle version is NOT a reliable fire starter in an emergency.  However, the Kindle version, when forcefully thrust forward in a downward striking motion may indeed prove effective in bashing a Zombie’s skull in self-defense.  Experts now advise ordering adequate copies of both versions in order to be properly prepared in the event of survival emergency.

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” — Available for Kindle, eReaders and in Paperback

 

His Highness and Royal Majesty King Humpty the Learned, Studying "The Adventures of Little Red Bear" (artwork by Milo Winter, 1916)

His Highness and Most Royal Majesty King Humpty the Learned, Studying “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”
(artwork by Milo Winter, 1916)

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Short Stories on Amazon

About an Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends!

 

Introducing “Howdy!” — the Burrowing Owl

“Howdy!”

That is how a new story character introduced himself to me several months ago. Out of nowhere, he just popped into my head one morning with a loud “Howdy!” and it has been a fun and interesting time ever since.

Red and I already had more story characters interviewed and on board for the first collection of  “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short stories than we could fit into the first collection, and the stories were already well underway at the time. But then “Howdy!” strode in and made such an impression on both Red and I that we stopped everything right there, and knew we had to go back and make room for him. Fortunately, being a little guy, he doesn’t take up much space.

Burrowing Owl- Sneaking A Peek

Burrowing Owl- Sneaking A Peek

“Howdy!” is a Burrowing Owl from way out west in the Oklahoma Panhandle and has been thru quite a lot for a little guy. Burrowing Owls inhabit grasslands, rangelands, agricultural areas and other open, dry areas with low vegetation. From their name, they live in a hole in the ground, not up in a tree like other owls. Although capable and willing to dig their own burrows, more frequently they inhabit existing holes abandoned by prairie dogs, skunks, armadillos, tortoises and the like.

 Burrowing Owls via Cornell Lab of Ornithology  (© Ned Harris, AZ, Tucson, June 2009)

Burrowing Owls via Cornell Lab of Ornithology (© Ned Harris, AZ, Tucson, June 2009)

Unlike most owls, Burrowing Owls are active during the day, although wisely avoiding the midday heat. But like most owls, they do most of their hunting between the hours of dusk to dawn, taking advantage of their superior night vision and hearing. So “Howdy!” does not sleep a lot.  And he does it all without coffee, caffeine or chocolate, which is truly amazing in itself.

Living in open grasslands as opposed to forests, Burrowing Owls have long legs and short tails which allow them to sprint very quickly across the ground in pursuit of prey. They are small in size, about 11” long, a little larger than an American Robin when fully grown. When agitated, they bob their head up and down, revealing a white chin patch. But I cannot imagine this sweet little guy ever being agitated or angry.

Burrowing Owl in California on top of Burrowing Owl Sign Post  (by Jeff Cartier of Ventura, CA)

Burrowing Owl in California on top of Burrowing Owl Sign Post (by Jeff Cartier of Ventura, CA)

Burrowing Owls have no ear tufts, unlike many other owls. They feature prominent white eyebrow markings, and in color they are brownish, with lighter colored bars on the front and spots on the back.  They have noticeable bright yellow eyes.  No other owls are commonly seen on the ground or so frequently during daylight hours.  Here is a wonderful little video from the Smithsonian Channel if you would like to learn more about “Howdy!” and his Burrowing Owl cousins.

As with many birds and creatures, Burrowing Owls are threatened or endangered in some areas due to loss of habitat as more open nesting areas are plowed under for development and agriculture.

Burrowing Owl- Pinterest- found on tumblr unidentified

This half-pint owl immediately captured our hearts and is featured in “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short story collection available on Amazon.  The Kindle version officially releases on Tuesday, June 23rd, and is available for preorder now.  The Paperback print version is available for immediate shipment.

With the stories out now Red wanted to introduce you to his new little friend to let you know a bit more about him, and we’re sure you will recognize him when he enters the stories. Not noted for stimulating conversation, he still makes quite the impression.

“Howdy!”

As always, thanks for stopping by for a visit! – Jim (and Red!)

Order Your Copy of “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” on Amazon

"Howdy!" -- the Burrowing Owl

“Howdy!” — the Burrowing Owl

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” — Available in Kindle and Paperback

Now Entering the Ring– Little Red Bear!

As you may recall, we discussed which genres and book categories to list “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” in a few weeks ago. If you missed it, here is a link to the original post→ Lost in Quandary Without a Compass.

After a good deal of  follow-up discussion and being allowed two categories in which to enter, we decided one would be “Juvenile→Fiction→Animals→Bears.”

From the very beginning, the stories have been written with children in mind as well as adults, so the first selection of “Juvenile” seemed like a no-brainer.  Although Red certifies that all of the adventures really did take place exactly as described, we were required to list the book in “Fiction”, lacking photographic proof or evidence to back up his assertions.  The next step was easy, as the stories feature a good number and wide variety of wildlife, domestic farm animals, birds and such, so “Animals” seemed straightforward enough.

But then we came to the next grouping to narrow it down even further.  With it being “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” there was clearly only one choice– “Bears.” Simple enough– right?

But here’s the rub.  We then realized that stepping into that ring would put us in direct competition with not only one, but two heavyweight champions in the field.  Titans of the literary world– Winnie the Pooh and Paddington Bear! And they’re both that cute and cuddly teddy bear, golden brown color, to boot.

But we just don’t see any viable alternative. It’s not like Red is afraid of them or anything, as he is a real bear and not a cartoon drawing or stuffed teddy bear, after all.  He just always tries to peacefully avoid confrontation whenever possible.  An admirable trait to be sure. Nevertheless, don’t let their cuteness fool you.  Pooh and Paddington are rock stars in the field.  Literally– movie stars!  These two fluffy ruffians dominate their category and squish competitors like a blueberry on a walking path without even breaking stride!

It would basically be starting over, but I asked Red if he would like me to recast him as a chipmunk or squirrel, to maybe compete against Chip and Dale or Rocky instead. But as he pointed out, we had already signed on Scritch the Chipmunk and Rusty the Fairydiddle for the second collection of stories and Red didn’t want to put them out of work, just to take their place.  He’s a nice guy like that.  And too, it would be incredibly difficult for a chipmunk or squirrel to pull off some of the feats in the stories which Red did as himself– a bear.  So it looks like we’re committed to the “Bears” category.  No other choice, really.

But I’ll admit it.  I am a little worried.  I know that Winnie the Pooh is all about his honey, and so is Little Red Bear.  I just hope there’s enough honey to go around for everyone.  But Paddington is into marmalade, so that shouldn’t be an issue, as long as he stays on the jammy side of the tracks. They are all really good sorts though, so I’m sure they’ll share and work it out.  I hope.

There is one notable thing that separates Red from the others. He is a real bear and these are real bear stories with real bear action. Or as close as they can be given that he is so uncommonly special– walking on two legs, talking and wearing overalls and a straw hat as he does.

So, just to be safe, a word of caution is probably in order — these are not your mother’s Winnie the Pooh, picture book style, cuddly teddy bear stories.  Just sayin’.  There are a few honest-to-goodness, real backwoods varmints  and perils in these stories.

Also, before I forget, Red wants me to remind you that “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” short stories collection will be released next Tuesday, June 23rd for Kindle and eReaders, and may be preordered on Amazon.  Paperback print copies of the book are available for immediate shipment and delivery right now!  And if you’re not sure how the preorder process works, you just hit the preorder button on the Amazon site, they don’t bill you until the actual book is downloaded on the 23rd, and magical elves work to install “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” automatically into your Kindle or other device overnight while you sleep.  Couldn’t be easier, and that way we don’t run the risk of forgetting to go back and order it and avoid having to wait in long queues backed up behind the inevitable crowds on the actual release day on Tuesday.  You can be comfortably enjoying the stories at home with a cup of tea and cookies while the late-comers are anxiously waiting in line!

And, one last thing–  as a favor– if you happen to come across Pooh or Paddington strolling about anytime, please let them know that Red’s not looking to dethrone anybody or take anyone’s title belt.  If they could just give us a wee bit of space to pitch our little book and tent, maybe on the outskirts of the forest in their kingdom, we’d be much obliged.

Thanks as always for the visit and reading along!  —  Jim (and Red!)

Order Your Copy of “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Today!

Available for Kindle and eReaders and in Paperback

"Little Red Bear"-- Story Research in a Tree

“Little Red Bear”– Story Research in a Tree