Humpty Dumpty Retold– He Did What???

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,

Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.”

How sad.  And kind of a depressing lesson to impart to children.  A little Egg Boy, simply engaged in active playtime, suddenly smashed to smithereens on a scalding, sunny summer sidewalk.  We can only imagine what happened next.   But that was a long time ago and they did things differently then.  They tended to make lessons scary to have an impact.

A cute little girl in her best red riding cloak being eaten by a ravenous wolf.  Two lost children captured by a witch.  Two children fetching water and one falls down and splits his head open.  All just going about their normal lives and routines — visiting a shut-in grandmother in the woods, being accused of simply overeating, doing their daily chores.  Stacks of poisoned apples lying about to sicken unsuspecting hungry travelers and wayfarers. Perilous times indeed. The original story of Sleeping Beauty is so terrifying it cannot even be retold here.  And we won’t even talk about Bluebeard.  Dreadful, ghastly stuff.

So, to set the record straight, more or less, here’s what really happened on that day in Humpty Dumpty land.  The public deserves to know.

Young Prince Humpty Before the Great Fall (unknown artist)

Young Prince Humpty Showing Off With Playmates, Before the Great Fall
(unknown artist)

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,

Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

So they each took turns reading to Humpty Dumpty from “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”, a collection of short stories entertaining for all ages.

The positive fun stories were just what Humpty Dumpty needed to lift his spirits and take his mind off the fracturing wall fiasco while he convalesced in a nursing home.  The little egg prince (yes– he was indeed a prince, they left that part out, see the historical record image for proof, i.e. the crown) felt better right away.  His shattered shell mended and he was soon on his way back out the door again to play.  He felt smashing, but in a good and not crashing, bashing sort of way.  Humpty Dumpty had learned valuable life lessons from Little Red Bear, to be bold but not reckless, so never again found himself teetering precipitously on a windy western wall.

Humpty Dumpty lived to a happy old age, attributing all of his success and glories to the lessons learned from Little Red Bear over the years.  He followed after his father, the Right and Proper King of Cackleberry, eventually becoming King of all the Omelets and lived in a beautiful castle surrounded by high, glistening pink granite walls, all with duly approved, certified and regularly inspected safety railings, in the fanciful Land of Frittatas.

The End.”

Now isn’t that a better bedtime story to share with the little ones?  Mistakes happen, but we work to repair the damage and get on with it.

And most notable of all– “The Adventures of Little Red Bear” has been shown to have the magical and mystical powers to alter the course of history and kingdoms.*

Click Here to Order Your Copy and Change Your History Today!

Thanks as always for visiting!  —  Jim (and Red!)

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

*Results may vary. Read as directed. Proven clinically effective in the ongoing treatment and relief of boredom, irritability, idleness, sloth, disquietude, melancholy, deterioration of reading skills, and ambivalence.  Store in a dry place at controlled room temperature.  “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”, as all fine literature, should be kept within the easy reach of children.  Repeated readings and doses produce enhanced results, intensify laugh lines, smooth wrinkles and aid in weight loss if the reader refrains from eating while reading on a treadmill.  Do not read if allergic to humor and common sense.  You should avoid excessive or prolonged exposure to negative thinking.  You should not read these stories while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery, or swimming in a swamp.  Possible side effects include giggling, spontaneous outbursts of hearty laughter, and happy thoughts, which may in turn lead to Peter Pan Syndrome and unexpected flight.  If a flight lasts more than four hours, consult a certified aviator.**  In an emergency or Zombie Apocalypse, this book may be used as a fire starter for warmth or rescue.***

**Statements made by the writer of this book have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.  Any statements made by the writer of this book should not be intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, malady, affliction, hazard, heartburn, indigestion, feelings of anxiety, hopelessness or depression, erectile dysfunction, queeziness, dyspepsia, uneven tire pressure or other unspecified uncomfortableness.  If you are pregnant, nursing, taking medication or have a medical condition, perch frequently on ledges and high walls, please consult your librarian before embarking on Little Red Bear’s adventures or taking any advice offered within. This book has not been demonstrated to restore hair in balding men, or to remove crow’s feet or unsightly spots and stains.

***Claims to the contrary notwithstanding, unlike the paperback print copy, the Kindle version does NOT make a suitable fire starter in an emergency.  Ordering extra PRINT versions is advised for Zombie survival preparedness.****

****Updated– recent lab studies have confirmed that the Kindle version is NOT a reliable fire starter in an emergency.  However, the Kindle version, when forcefully thrust forward in a downward striking motion may indeed prove effective in bashing a Zombie’s skull in self-defense.  Experts now advise ordering adequate copies of both versions in order to be properly prepared in the event of survival emergency.

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” — Available for Kindle, eReaders and in Paperback

 

His Highness and Royal Majesty King Humpty the Learned, Studying "The Adventures of Little Red Bear" (artwork by Milo Winter, 1916)

His Highness and Most Royal Majesty King Humpty the Learned, Studying “The Adventures of Little Red Bear”
(artwork by Milo Winter, 1916)

“The Adventures of Little Red Bear” Short Stories on Amazon

About an Uncommonly Special Bear and His Friends!

 

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